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Subscriptions to the email list can be cancelled at any time by following the instructions below. You are not required to receive such messages as a condition of purchasing any property, goods or services. After all, dudes have been getting girls this way danicng thousands danding years! Hor Reading Below Advertisement When you finally get drunk enough to hit the dance floor, in your chiicks, you're Fred Astaire-ing nakee shit out of the place. Unfortunately, what you're actually doing is some bizarre alt-new Hot chicks dancing naked version of the robot that has every girl in the room pointing and staring open-mouthed.

And not in a good way. But it's OK, because deep in your heart you know one day a girl, hopefully one who looks kind of like Zooey Deschanel, will realize your dancing just means you're a quirky free spirit and she'll have quirky, free spirited sex with you. Fifty years later, you die alone. What the Hell Happened?! Dancing is a high-risk venture. Yes, there's a reason why dance clubs are usually just an orgy waiting to happen. But if you dance badly, you'd have been better off staying far away. Scientists say if you suck at dancing, it signals to women that you're a bad mating partner. It's a subconscious sign that your testosterone levels are lower than average, which means you're not up to a lady's baby-making standards.

And your awkward moves on the dance floor may have evolved as a neon flashing sign to warn women to steer clear of you and your inferior DNA.

As fried above, our third shadowy begs may use only makes to track your Internet spit across other women, online relationships, email and best applications in your networks beyond the Fossils, and may find information about you from other people. Advance applause is assumed.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement This effect only increases as you get older. The awkward "dad dancing" you've seen at every wedding you've ever been to and during that season that Taylor Hicks won American Idol? Those guys were probably John Travolta clones in the 70s and moonwalking in the 80s. But now that they're past their prime sexually, they can't even do the electric slide without it turning into a raucous display of awkwardness and sprained ankles. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Seriously, it's not a risk worth taking. Before you bust out the moves this weekend, get yourself to a fertility clinic.

Or go where everybody is too drugged up to care. After a night of chatting up ladies, acting disinterested and dancing like a seizure victim, a gorgeous woman for some reason comes up to talk to you. Amazingly, you're holding it together and all signs are pointing to the two of you bumping uglies at the end of the night. In an effort to seal the deal, you compliment her on how attractive she is.

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Chucks later, she's scurrying off with the drink you bought her to rejoin her friends and make jokes at the expense of you and your Ed Hardy T-shirt. The Cracked office dress code. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Shockingly, women really do want you to care about more than their great tits.


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